I’m currently mulling over some tea as I wait for the summer thunderstorm to begin. The clouds are dark, ominous, and the air here in Wisconsin is dripping with tension. Storms are my favorite kind of weather; oddly, I find them the times most calming, the times I look forward to.
I wish I could say the same about life’s storms. I wish that I could say that when life becomes rough I am calm and level-headed, that I look forward to the moments when the skies are darkened and I breathe deeply in the moments filled with tension. I wish that I could say that I always find life blessed, that I always believe that God is good, that I always choose faith over fear.
The past few months I have tried to bury myself and the things that I am dealing with by keeping a hectic schedule. I have thrown myself headfirst into summer plans full of meetings and work and social gatherings. I’ve even added sections to this blog about summer fun and great restaurants. And while all of that is good and well, I’m not really there.
I’ve found that even doing the things that I love has become harder and harder. The relationships with people that I love forced and tense. My internal dialogue has gone from a staunch optimism to a place of apathy. And even Nashville, my shining beacon of a childhood dream fulfilled, has quietly turned to gray.
I’ve realized it’s time to stop.
Luke 5:16 says that Jesus often withdrew himself to lonely and desolate places to seek God. Now more than ever I’ve realized that I need to do the same. Instead of trying to force myself to be the person I’m expected to be I need to just stop and remove myself from the storm. Retreat is not surrender. I’m hoping that in the next few weeks I will have the time and space I need to process the many things that have been going on, that I will be able to think things through and have a plan for moving forward instead of spinning my wheels in the middle of a very, very deep rut.
I’m not sure how long this hiatus will be, but it’s going to be a withdrawal from Nashville, from social media, and yes, from The Blessed Life. I’ll be back at some point soon, and I hope to continue to share with you all of the wonderful things that still exist in the middle of storms. But for now, I need some time and space to figure things out.
Thank you to all of you who have reached out to me and been so wonderful. Your love means the world to me. Prayers for peace and discernment over the coming weeks would be much appreciated.
So much love to all of you, my dear, dear friends. Go on living and being blessed. I’ll see you soon.