Hey all! It’s been a while since I posted. Spring Break just kind of came and washed me clean of any kind of motivation. Needless to say, when I got back to Belmont I was totally overwhelmed by all the things I had waiting for me.
Pro tip: When life gets hard, run to the beach. It will be kind to you. I promise.
One of the things waiting for me was my audition for the School of Music. Since I’ve gotten to Nashville, there was a small part of me that wanted to be Taylor Swift—that’s been there since I sang in front of the Grand Ole Opry with my sister in seventh grade. So I started taking lessons and early in the morning on the 16th, I faced a panel for my audition.
I’m going to be totally honest: my audition was totally not my best. Part of it was due to lack of sleep, and part of it was the fact that I had been so overwhelmed with class and other things that I hadn’t had enough time to focus on my pieces. I didn’t feel good about it at all.Then I got to thinking about the fact that I already felt this stressed and overwhelmed, and it was only for the audition! How was I going to brave Music Theory, or practicing for panels, or making time for performances? Suddenly the prospect of minoring in music looked less like an opportunity and more like an obligation.
I got the decision today. Like I had thought, I didn’t make it.
Yes, I felt a pang of disappointment—the same one I did when I got rejected from one of my dream schools, Stanford, during my senior year. But that feeling was replaced by relief. Yes, I still love music, and I like to think that using my voice and writing makes people happy. I’ve seen that first-hand.
But I feel like my pursuit of music is something that has to come naturally. Obviously I want to learn more about it and improve, but I don’t want to have to make it something on my to-do list or something to put on a calendar. For months before my audition, I had been telling myself “You have to do this if you want to be a better musician.” Being surrounded by talented musicians made me feel like I had to emulate them if I wanted to be confident in my voice and abilities.
But I didn’t have to do that at all. I realize that God’s blessed me with the ability to express my feelings and encourage people with music. And it makes me happy when I do it. It doesn’t have to be an academic career. It doesn’t have to be on a stage in front of thousands of people. If I’m doing what I love, that’s all that matters.
I’ve gotten to the point where I’m feeling relieved by this decision. With all the things I have going on at Belmont, I know I wouldn’t have been able to pursue music academically without compromising some other area in my life. In addition, I am so excited to have finally declared my double major: Social Entrepreneurship and Mass Communication. I’ve already started my classes for both majors and loved them, and I’m excited to see the ways that God’s going to use me.
Life lesson: Everything happens for a reason. Everything. Good, bad, and ugly. Sometimes it just takes a while to figure it out.
Thanks to everyone for the well wishes and support. It means the world to me, regardless of the outcome. And I promise I’ll be writing more soon!